Whose crocodile is it anyway?

I read a hilarious news piece and it would be injustice if I did not put it here.

A crocodile carcass has been floating in the Powai lake for more than three days, allegedly because municipal and forest authorities expected each other to remove it.

Powai Lake (named after Framaji Kavasji Powai Estate) is an artificial lake, situated in the northern suburb of Mumbai, in the Powai valley, where a Powai village with cluster of huts existed. (Doesn’t this sound like a tongue twister with plenty of Powais. Powai lake named after Powai estate in the Powai valley where a Powai village existed inhabited by Powai people who made wonderful Powai dosas on special Powai tavas using Powai dosa batter eaten with Powai chutney which goes well with Powai lemonade in special Powai mugs followed by a Powai pan…….)

Coming back to senses, the forest department has now said it would have the carcass removed.

Visitors complained of the stench from the carcass, floating amid the hyacinth since at least Sunday. (Seriously, did we expect a Ralph Lauren special fragrance from a 3 day old crocodile carcass? This lake had a crocodile which is dead but there can be many more. Run for your life instead of enjoying the stench.)

The hydraulic engineering department, which is in charge of the lake, and the forest department, responsible for wildlife in the city, kept shifting the responsibility on each other. (Can any one of you please help me understand, why the hell is hydraulic engineering department is in charge of a lake? What hydraulics can be involved unless you could convert the lake into a cricket stadium by temporarily draining out the water on push of a button and visa versa).

The chief conservator of forest in charge of the city’s wildlife confirmed that he had asked his officials to remove the carcass. “I have also advised our doctors to visit the spot and conduct a post-mortem immediately. The post mortem will prove if the animal’s death was natural and also the approximate day of the death,” he said. (This is where I fell off the chair and rolled all over the ground. In a country where human bodies end up on a dissection table without undergoing any checks for identity or cause of death, here’s a department which is getting a postmortem done for a dead crocodile. How do these people get a job? )

BMC hydraulic engineer said, “Since this morning, we have been running from pillar to post to contact the right forest department persons to pick up the carcass. Now that they have been informed, we will do the follow-up needed after the carcass is removed.” (Engineer sir, if you had not wasted time and paid up a few guys, they would have cleared it for you and saved the visitors from the stench)

Activists were concerned that beautification work could have changed the composition of the lake, suffocating the animals. They feared that the rotting carcass may have poisoned the water. (Beautification must have changed the composition from H2O to H3O. Science has shown us that H3O can be quite suffocating to the animals. Ladies, do you now understand how dangerous beautification can be. By beautifying yourself you could be suffocating an endangered species called men)

Ground reality is, this is the state of affairs in government departments today. A simple case of a dead crocodile has jurisdictional complications. No wonder, they seem clueless on other important issues plaguing the country now.