Jack ass: Dumb or dumber?

The other day, I bumped into a friend of mine, ****** (name not revealed due to security reasons). Meeting a friend is always a great occasion to have a cup of ‘KAPHY”. We were chatting over ‘by two’ kaphy. He mentioned that he had a minor change in his name.

Changing names due to numerology has become a fab thing. Everyone in Bollywood does it, so does everyone in Sandalwood (that’s our kannada movies). Whether you take newcomers or seasoned actors there’s a twist of numerology, or at least astrology, somewhere when they are going to decide on their new movies, co-stars, movie names, numbers of their mobiles, phones or cars and yes before befriending as well.

Neetu become NETTOO. Anu malik became AaNuu Mallik. Imran hasmi became Emraan hashmi. Kiron kher became Kirron kher (god know how shah rukh khan would pronounce it now k..k..k..k.. i..r..rr…rr…o..n)

But ****** clarified that he has not changed this name due to numerology but due to a recent incident in his life.

Two villains grabbed a piece of land from ******. They obviously have fake papers for this land (every piece of land has at least 3-4 owners in our country. This is what keeps our judiciary busy). ****** approached police to save his land (What a moron!! I think he stays in fairyland or he doesn’t watch many movies).

As most of you have guessed by now, police refused to help him. They in turn file a case against him for harassing villain’s wife (I will skip his description of this lady, she clearly thinks too high of herself to be filing a harassment complaint). ****** then approached higher ups in the police department (was he trying to out do himself; or was he raising the bar- of dumbness). Higher ups advised him to meet the local MLA (all is fair in love and land grabbing).

MLA’s are always considerate. MLA in question was willing to help for a small 7 digit figure fees (nobody believes in work for charity).

Fed up of the system, ****** approached Lokayukta (anti corruption wing specializing at digging out corrupt people and allowing media to have lot of fun for a few days. Nothing happens beyond that).

Anti-corruption wing trapped the MLA red handed when he is accepting the bribe. Media makes hash when its sunshine. MLA is asked to resign on moral grounds. ****** is projected as a winner.

The MLA was customarily arrested and sent to hospital (all arrested dignitaries are sent to hospitals as they have an immediate medical problem). While in the comfort of the hospital, he claimed innocence and conspiracy (this is cliché).

Then a few months later, a house panel (consisting MLA’s from the same party) does an investigation. This panel concluded that the charges against MLA cannot be proved due to lack of proper evidence. Now isn’t that expected from brotherhood? MLA is free from all charges and ready for the kill.

Then comes the final and most important twist, this team recommended stringent action against my friend. He will surely lose his land, he also has a case of harassment against him and he has to bear the brunt of our innocent MLA Mr Sampangi from the nearby gold fields of Kolar.

No wonder my friend decided to change his name to JACK ASS.