Arundhati Roy: The real truth

Former British Prime minister Baroness Margaret Thatcher has been declared the most influential woman and role model in the world, edging out Michelle Obama and Mother Teresa in a survey conducted by AOL UK. 

Twenty years after losing power, 85-year-old Baroness Thatcher apparently picked up almost a third of the votes in a survey to find the most influential woman in the world. 

If reports are to be believed the results of this survey was altered by the AOL UK after a request by Govt of India. PM Manmohan Singh personally spoke to the Queen to stop AOL from announcing the actual winner. Thatcher actually stood 2^nd in this survey and the actual winner of this survey was Arundhati Roy. As surprising as it seems, Arundhati picked up 60% of the votes. If you are wondering why our PM wanted to suppress this news then read further.

Arundhati apparently exerts a high level of influence in India. Many ‘causes’ or ‘movements’ which hit the dead end or are unable to reach a conclusion involve her. She has been successful in bringing meaning to the cause and cast her influence on it. All the causes she was associated so far, starting from Narmada Bachao Andolan, Anti- Nuclear development, Operation Greenhunt have been a blockbuster failure.

Govt of India does not want the world to know the power of her influence. Sources in the Govt (who did not want to be named of course) mentioned that as soon as intelligence sources were aware of the results of the poll, they appraised the Govt. A high level cabinet committee was formed to discuss this. Within minutes of this meeting PM made the call to the Queen.

If sources are to be believed Arundhati is a secret service (Agent Ra. Ten). She apparently chose the number herself for reason unknown to her. She now works for the Government of India.

Flashback time…..

Not many people know that Arundhati started her literary career with writing screenplays for movies and television. If not many people know about this, then we can easily guess the success of the screenplay career. She then shifted to writing novels and she won Booker prize for her “God of small things”. However, she could not recreate this fluke in her next set of writings. She started searching for alternate careers. She did consider an acting career. There are reports that she was offered the title role of Ram Gopal Varma’s “RGV ki Bhoot”. Before things could take off, RGV replaced her with someone better to play the role.. imagination. So we had an imaginary Bhoot in “RGV ki Bhoot”.

With this, she decided to move on to modeling. She was signed by Dove for their “Do not look at the mirror” campaign. She has never seen the mirror ever since. If you are wondering the reason behind her weird hair dos, it’s because she does not get to see how the hair styles look on her.

This is when she decided to jump into the Narmada Bachao Andolan. This gave her the push and the visibility. She catapulted from one ‘cause’ to another exerting her ‘influence’ on all of them. Having observed her great track record, some brilliant minds in the Govt of India came up with a master plan and decided to use her expertise in this field. She is now sponsored by Govt of India to participate in all the causes. Her sheer presence and her “larger than ant” image is enough to bring about a failure of the cause.

After her recent involvement in this Kashmir issue, she has been successful exert her now famous ‘influence’ on the Kashmir cause. The discussion has now shifted from ‘Azadi’ to ‘sedition’. Today nobody talks about Geelani or any other ring leaders of the separatist movement. The Kashmir movement is identified with Arundhati and her literary blabbering. Last heard, Geelani is considering retirement or even suicide (if I heard it right.)  

Ra. Ten has another feather up her sleeve.