Monday, December 31, 2012

Delhi protest: Rear view mirror

Over the last few days we witnessed massive protests across the country, especially Delhi over the rape incident. There were violent interactions between police and Aam Janta. All news channels did an in depth coverage of this incident.  Water jets were being used on the protesters. People were getting injured due to the lathi charge.

As the drama unfolded on TV, different sections of media spoke at lengths about police atrocity and anti-social elements becoming a part of this protest. Each individual had a different opinion and version of this story. However, there are many versions which did not come out in the open.

There are stories running in the secret corners of political circles. As per one individual who refused to be named, the order to use water canons came from very highly placed authorities. This decision was taken after a high level meeting involving politicians and experts from all Government departments. Most of them had to be recalled from official foreign tours to Thailand, Singapore, Maldives and Gulf along with their family and friends. The summary of this meeting as below.

Winters can be very cruel on us. It's so cold early in the morning with temperature dipping each year. Delhi specially is known to have temperatures in single digits. It is not a weather in which one would be motivated to take bath. Research has proved that the sale of deodorants is higher during winters, significantly higher than summer sales. Common sense would make us think otherwise. The ones who cannot afford deodorants are walking odour sources. Individually, this may not cause any social issues. However, collectively it could have a massive impact. 
When people started collecting in huge numbers, body odour levels started going up. Permissible odour limit in Delhi is quite low considering high VIP presence. As the crowd started moving towards Rashtrapathi bhavan, security apparatus picked up approaching high levels of body odour. As more and more people joined the protest, body odour levels kept increasing and touched first warning level. Higher officials were intimated and triggered police deployment.  Special masks imported from Russia were provided to police. This specially fragranced masks helped police stand in between the stench of body odour.

Media coverage, facebook and SMS helped bring in more and more crowd.  Soon odour level crossed danger mark and all dignitaries had to be evacuated to safe zones. Levels crossed the capacity of the masks and many policemen were found losing consciousness. Higher ups were reached out and the entire police machinery hit a panic button.  An emergency meeting was held with experts of all departments and the all-important politicians. Special screening of English movie 'Independence day' was organised to help deal with national emergencies like these. After viewing the movie, it was decided that the only way to get rid of this odour challenge was by giving washing these individuals.  
This was a unanimous decision. Easiest source of water as always is Cauvery water. Special tribunal was advised to order release Cauvery water. Special containers were airlifted to KRS dam. These were filled with water and these containers were rushed to back to Delhi. The water was fragranced with Sandal oil to bring in faster results. This fragranced water was sprayed on all those who participated in the protest. Odour levels were periodically monitored during this entire process. Those who refused to take bath were lathi charged till they agreed. Water canons were continued till odour levels dropped way below warning levels.

This high secret operation was code name “Operation Axe Effect”.  It is likely to become one of the best kept secrets of Indian history unless Wiki leaks it.