Friday, November 26, 2010

The Lingayat Mirage

Guru Basavanna was a philosopher and a social reformer. He fought against the caste system and rituals in Hinduism. He advocated a new way of life wherein the divine experience was the center of life giving equal opportunity to all aspirants regardless of the gender, caste, and social status.

Basavanna educated the mass through his Vachanas.  Vachanas are like Upanishads in poetic fervor and profundity of meaning. They are short sentences, simple telling, soul-stirring, and very effective in delivering their messages.

The followers of Basavanna’s teachings are called Lingayats. Our beloved CM, Yeddy is a Lingayat.

As per Basava teachings, initially Yeddyurappa believed, visited and worshipped only his family deities at select temples. But in recent years, Yeddyurappa started visiting temples of various deities and temples. This habit seems to have intensified with his growth in the BJP. 
In the last few months, in addition to the usual temples he and his family members have visited innumerable temples within and outside of Karnataka. To name a few
1.      Muduktore Mallikarjun temple in T Narsipur taluk of Mysore district
2.      Srikanteshwara temple at Nanjangud
3.      Baby Mutt in Mandya district 
4.      Kollur Mookambika
5.      Raja Rajeshwari temple at Taliparambur near Konnur in Kerala
6.      Vaishnodevi Shrine in Jammu & Kashmir
7.      Almost all major temples in Bangalore

This list goes on. There are many more temples which are not mentioned here. In addition to his personal visits, one Kashi Vishwanath Shetty from Mysore visits various temples and brings prasadam to Yeddy.  

On the day of the trust vote, he visited Gaali Anjeneya temple before arriving to Vidhana Soudha. Special poojas were done to ward off evil. This being a working day, his detour caused inconvenience to hundreds of Bangaloreans. But all is well as long as he is well.

Yeddy is a believer to the core. All his well-wishing astrological/vaasthu advisors had advised him necessary step to ensure victory and ofcourse bring defeat to the opposition.

Three days prior to the first trust vote, all gates of Vidhana Soudha were closed except the west gate. All MLAs, MPs and MLCs were asked to enter through that gate. This arrangement continued in the assembly hall, as the opposition was asked to enter through the eastern door. When they tried entering through the north door, entry was blocked by the City Police commissioner himself. Yeddy is the master of political wizardry. If only JK Rowling had written Harry Potter series in current times, Yeddy would surely have featured in it.

When Yeddy is doing so much, you can’t count out his trusted lieutenant Shobha Karandlaje. Madam went on a fast to appease Gods to help Yeddy win the trust vote.

In the recent crisis, the entire state demanded his resignation. The people of Karnataka failed to understand that he hasn’t done anything wrong. All he did was tread the same path as the previous Chief Ministers. He failed to understand the reason for the outrage. He went temple hopping seeking divine guidance and help of the gurus of various mutts.

Sri Trinetha Swamiji of Baby mutt advised him that the starry constellations were against him and his time was not good for another 48 hours. If he manages to stay afloat for 48 hours then his chair would be safe for a couple of months more.

Yeddy was on his way to the airport when the seer advised him. This started the ‘hide and seek’ game with the media, party leaders and the whole country. The ‘Tees maar khan’ that he is, Yeddy managed to disappear every now and then. He would resurface occasionally only to keep everyone in the chase.  

“Catch me if you can” is what he seemed to tell the entire country. He disappeared while on his way to Bangalore airport, only to resurface in Puttaparthi. Even when in Delhi, he would disappear frequently only to reappear a few hours later. It is surprising that the man in the position of Chief Minister managed to stay out of media glaze. He spent most of these 48 hours in hiding.

Kodi Mutt seer, whose predictions are based on centuries-old Hottige (manuscript) at the mutt, is also said to have predicted Yeddyurappa's continuation in this post for a couple of years if he survives this crisis. A source close to the seer said manuscripts disclosed if Yeddyurappa completes three years in office, he'll remain in the post for another five-year term. All the predictions from Seer’s and blessings from almighty Gods may have saved Yeddy’s chair. But the people of Karnataka do not know who will save them now.  

One of Basanna’s vachanas exhorts people to shun superstitions, beliefs and rituals. Ironically, Yeddy, who is a Lingayat goes temple-hopping every time a crisis surfaces, believes in astrological/vaasthu predictions. The Champion of Lingayats, who managed to hold on to his chair on Lingayat card is not a practicing Lingayat after all.  

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Armour of Caste

When Swami Nityananda’s sex-escapades (sexcapades) enlightened the world, he was left stranded. Everyone loved watching the videos. TRPs sky rocketed, Youtube had a very high hit rate but Swamiji found himself cornered. He went underground to avoid possible repercussions. His peers (seers of other Mutts) closely watched him bite the dust. All along the period when this drama ensued, none of the swamijis spoke a word in favour of Nitya-ananda.

The exact reason behind this inactivity from fellow Swamijis is unknown. It could be jealousy (considering the list of clientele offering ‘personal services’) or professional rivalry. You won’t mind a very successful competitor falling prey to his own misdoings. You wouldn’t do the mistake of trying to stop him from killing his own business.

However Nitya-ananda, being the shrewd business man that he is, bounced back after proving to everyone that his not a “purush”. There was also kerosene flames which purified him and and the borewell water which washed him of all the evil that touched him while in jail. He is doing roaring business now.

Currently another pious man, Yeddy-urappa is currently facing problems in retaining his chair. He is no less than a swamiji. We have seen him more in temples and mutts instead of Vidhana soudha, not to forget the zillions of pooja he participates in.  He even gets a priest to purify Vidhana soudha before he gets in to do his business. All this seems to have paid off, as a number of Swamijis have jumped to his rescue.

Among the seers who have rallied to the rescue of Yeddyurappa are Rambhapuri Sri of Balehonnur, Jnanaprabhu Siddarama Swamiji of Yadanadu Mutt, Sanehalli Panditaradhya Shivacharya Swamiji and Dayananda Swamiji of Basavadharma Peetha. History has never seen so many swamijis speak in unison on any cause earlier, even for betterment of society.

All of them believe that if Yeddyurappa is forced to relinquish office, he would only be a victim of the nasty scheming of opposition parties, primarily Deve Gowda and family. Not so long ago, Deve Gowda was on the other side of the fence. Political views of Swamiji Inc,. seem to have changed lanes. Spending tax payer’s money on ‘development’ of Mutts seemed to have worked for Yeddy.  

The Veerashaiva Mahasabha also came out strongly in favour of Yeddyurappa. Pejawar Mutt Seer Sri Vishwesha Theertha Swamiji too has come in support of the CM saying it was wrong to sack Yeddyurappa only because of the accusations made against him.
Swamijis have threatened that they would take to streets if Chief Minister B.S. Yeddyurappa is sacked even before proven guilty. If this political drama has started a bit early, then swamijis could have taken to street in the Delhi half marathon. It would have been fun seeing swamijis in tracksuits sweating it out on the streets of Delhi. But, we can hope to see them on the streets if the not so successful Bangalore marathon is organized in future. Kenyan marathon runners beware, you have competition!!

Dayananda Swamiji, went a step ahead and held a press conference to support Yeddy. He claimed that Swamijis were against corruption and their fight against corruption was relentless. Looks like this Swamiji believes that the whole Karnataka state is corrupt and Yeddy is honest. He has advised the BJP high command and RSS to guide Yeddy in case he has committed any mistake.

Swamiji has also expressed his anger on Reddy brothers and their Amma ‘Sushma Swaraj’ for trying to pull down Yeddy. He has also taken Yeddyurappa's son Raghavendra to task for misusing his father's position. Look at how much evil is surrounding our innocent Yeddy.
He sees this as a ploy used for attacking the Lingayat community. He feels constant efforts were made even in the past to dethrone CMs belonging to Lingayat community. And this is the same sort of conspiracy is being hatched now for dethroning Yeddyurappa.

We have seen on TV that Mahabharata’s Karna had a kavacha (armour) which made him invincible. Our Yeddy seems have a Kavacha of his own. A Lingayat Kavacha which is making him invincible enough, that his political bosses are unable to penetrate. Which means, Yeddy is likely to prove his “innocence” to the world and emerge as a winner. 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Shameless

Skin is the soft outer covering of an animal. It acts as an anatomical barrier between the internal and external environment in bodily defense. On some animals, the skin is very hard and thick, and can be processed to create leather.

Elephants need a thick skin to hold together their mass respectively their inner pressure. This can be compared with buying bread. If 1 kg of bread is bought, it is wrapped in tissue-paper. If 20 kgs of bread are bought, a thick and strong paper bag is needed to hold together the bread parcel.

The skin of the white rhinoceros forms a thick, protective armour that is highly specialized in its structure and material properties compared with other mammalian skin. Rhinoceros skin is three times thicker than predicted allometrically, and it contains a dense and highly ordered three-dimensional array of relatively straight and highly cross linked collagen fibers.

The dermal armour of the rhinoceros is very well adapted to resist blows from the horns of other animals, as might occur during aggressive behaviour, due to specialized material properties as well as its great thickness.

We have so far believed that these 2 animals have the thickest skin in the entire universe. But ‘Ripley’s Believe it or not’ has recently published that the thickest skin in the universe does not belong to either elephant or Rhino but to our own Spectrum Raja (also known as Telecom Raja or Innocent Raja)

Raja has the dubious distinction of have been responsible for a staggering 1.7 Lakh crores loss to Indian exchequer (It’s hard to even count the number of Zeroes in that figure). But he is not a worried man. A lawyer by training, he simply repeats his single line defence—that he did nothing illegal. It takes real guts for someone to be in this position and act innocent.

And with the backing of political opportunists like Karunanidhi, Raja is completely at home. The grand old man of TN politics claims Raja’s being picked on for being Dalit. Apparently age has either blinded or made him ignorant of the 1.7 Lakh crore loss to the country.  There is no way UPA would consider ousting Raja from his ministry, which would automatically mean losing support of the DMK and majority getting compromised. DMK has been known to shift loyalties. They were a part of BJP coalition earlier.
DMK’s coddling of Raja can be traced to Karunanidhi’s younger daughter Kanimozhi, who along with her mother Rajathi Ammal, handled the shift of the telecom portfolio (under UPA I) to Raja from Dayanidhi Maran after the latter fell out with the supremo.

Kanimozhi shares a special camaraderie of letters with Raja, both being self-styled Tamil litterateurs. We have all seen the literary capabilities of Kanimozhi. Watching Kanimozhi on TV is like seeing a Shakespeare drama in theatre. We cannot say the same about Raja; we have not heard anything much beyond the ‘I followed protocol set by my predecessors’.

Raja’s detractors say Kanimozhi’s is keen to have Raja retained as telecom minister. A string operation of his phone conversations with PR honcho Niira Radia has exposed this point. It’s not only their friendship that is the reason for Kanimozhi’s keenness to retain him, but recently released documents hint that Rajathi and Kanimozhi got their kickbacks too. Radia had good relations with Ratnam, Rajathi’s chartered accountant. Ratnam was instrumental for handling investments in Swan Telecom by some family members of Karunanidhi. Swan Telecom is one of the establishments figuring in the spectrum controversy.

All this point to high levels of corruption in Raja’s handling of the whole 2-G controversy. But Raja seems unperturbed with the developments around.

The elephant’s skin is despite of its thickness a very sensitive system and has a rich nerve providing. An elephant notices every fly landing on him! But Raja cannot seem to even sense the pulse of the entire nation. Any other person in his place would have taken moral responsibility for this loss and resigned. But Raja is a whole new breed altogether.  

This amazing thickness of Raja’s skin has wowed scientists across world. US military plans to use this amazing creation to build unique shields to protect their soldiers. This is being touted as the real reason behind Obama’s visit to India. If reports are to be believed scientists from America have taken scrapings of Raja’s skin. As a mark of respect, they plan to name the shield after Raja as “The Shameless”.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Arundhati Roy: The real truth

Former British Prime minister Baroness Margaret Thatcher has been declared the most influential woman and role model in the world, edging out Michelle Obama and Mother Teresa in a survey conducted by AOL UK. 

Twenty years after losing power, 85-year-old Baroness Thatcher apparently picked up almost a third of the votes in a survey to find the most influential woman in the world. 

If reports are to be believed the results of this survey was altered by the AOL UK after a request by Govt of India. PM Manmohan Singh personally spoke to the Queen to stop AOL from announcing the actual winner. Thatcher actually stood 2nd in this survey and the actual winner of this survey was Arundhati Roy. As surprising as it seems, Arundhati picked up 60% of the votes. If you are wondering why our PM wanted to suppress this news then read further.

Arundhati apparently exerts a high level of influence in India. Many ‘causes’ or ‘movements’ which hit the dead end or are unable to reach a conclusion involve her. She has been successful in bringing meaning to the cause and cast her influence on it. All the causes she was associated so far, starting from Narmada Bachao Andolan, Anti- Nuclear development, Operation Greenhunt have been a blockbuster failure.

Govt of India does not want the world to know the power of her influence. Sources in the Govt (who did not want to be named of course) mentioned that as soon as intelligence sources were aware of the results of the poll, they appraised the Govt. A high level cabinet committee was formed to discuss this. Within minutes of this meeting PM made the call to the Queen.

If sources are to be believed Arundhati is a secret service (Agent Ra. Ten). She apparently chose the number herself for reason unknown to her. She now works for the Government of India.

Flashback time…..

Not many people know that Arundhati started her literary career with writing screenplays for movies and television. If not many people know about this, then we can easily guess the success of the screenplay career. She then shifted to writing novels and she won Booker prize for her “God of small things”. However, she could not recreate this fluke in her next set of writings. She started searching for alternate careers. She did consider an acting career. There are reports that she was offered the title role of Ram Gopal Varma’s “RGV ki Bhoot”. Before things could take off, RGV replaced her with someone better to play the role.. imagination. So we had an imaginary Bhoot in “RGV ki Bhoot”.

With this, she decided to move on to modeling. She was signed by Dove for their “Do not look at the mirror” campaign. She has never seen the mirror ever since. If you are wondering the reason behind her weird hair dos, it’s because she does not get to see how the hair styles look on her.

This is when she decided to jump into the Narmada Bachao Andolan. This gave her the push and the visibility. She catapulted from one ‘cause’ to another exerting her ‘influence’ on all of them. Having observed her great track record, some brilliant minds in the Govt of India came up with a master plan and decided to use her expertise in this field. She is now sponsored by Govt of India to participate in all the causes. Her sheer presence and her “larger than ant” image is enough to bring about a failure of the cause.

After her recent involvement in this Kashmir issue, she has been successful exert her now famous ‘influence’ on the Kashmir cause. The discussion has now shifted from ‘Azadi’ to ‘sedition’. Today nobody talks about Geelani or any other ring leaders of the separatist movement. The Kashmir movement is identified with Arundhati and her literary blabbering. Last heard, Geelani is considering retirement or even suicide (if I heard it right.)  

Ra. Ten has another feather up her sleeve.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Dimaak ki bathi Jala de

Bangalore has been the IT capital of India. Much of this growth is due to availability of talent in Bangalore. Each year thousands of engineers and MBA grads are being manufactured in our education factory. A major percentage of this talent pool is exceptionally talented individuals. 

Scientists from the “Kingfisher International Scientific Society (KISS)” attribute this talent pool to BEER. It’s already a well-known fact that
Bangalore is the “Beer capital of India” and this also produces the largest number of intellect. They have established a relationship with increased brain capability and beer guzzling. They plan to do a retrospective study on Einstein to confirm this relationship.

A survey was conducted by the “Royal Challenge Beer Mapping Institute of India” at The Great Indian October Fest at Bangalore. This crowd comprised of the majority of the talent pool of Bangalore. Undeniably, the best part of Kingfisher Premium Great Indian October Fest was the continuous flow of Kingfisher draught straight from the breweries to the stalls. Thousands of people swung to the music, Kingfisher beer in hand. This survey has brought out a clear relationship between beer and talent.

‘KISS’ scientists have put up a theory that beer is increasing neural and intellectual capacity of the brain cells. Years of scientific studies have shown that the Yeast used in manufacturing beer releases a chemical compound called ‘Dumbesterone”. This compound triggers the learning centre of the brain resulting in the increased intellectual capacity.

But a recent revelation has shocked the scientists worldwide. This could well be the biggest piece of scientific information known to modern world.
Newspaper reports have revealed the biggest secret of the world. Bangalore thrives on Donkey’s milk. There is a huge demand to feed babies with donkey’s milk. A sum of Rs 100 or even Rs 200 for fresh 50ml of donkey's milk. The age-old business quietly thrives in many parts of this hi-tech city. 

Some families have been surviving on the donkey business for generations now. P Puttaraju says his grandfather started it. Today, Puttaraju is a key dealer operating across Bangalore. He also supplies donkeys to other milk dealers. 

He has a roaring business though with no fixed regular customers or regular timings. The donkeys in his crude office space keep increasing in numbers. Presently, he has 20 donkeys. The latest addition was a white donkey from Kurnool with her two-month infant. "Sometimes, I receive calls at 1am asking if there's immediate stock. Once, a family landed here at 6am with a one-day-old baby. They wanted at least 5 ml for their baby” Puttaraju said.

BBMP joint director (animal husbandry) Pervez Ahmed Piran (also a dairy expert) confirms about the value of donkey's milk. "I am not too sure about the popularity of the milk but it is definitely as good as human milk in terms of composition. But the effects are way better than human milk,'' he says. 

"We really get donkey milk? I didn't know about it. If it was so good and so ancient a practice, all pediatricians in the city should start recommending it.” says a reputed gynecologist. She expressed deep regret that her parents failed to give her this nature’s wonder.

"The benefits are not scientifically proven. However, it surely has higher protein content than human milk,'' says another senior pediatrician who himself is an output of this nature’s wonder.  

Most great personalities have drunk donkey’s milk at some point during their childhood. Till date, donkeys have been identified with idiocy. But after this revelation, donkeys would be identified with the brightest minds known to mankind.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

How much is tooo much?

“Supreme Court of India has ruled that “Persistent demand for excessive sex causing injury can be ground for seeking divorce.”  

"Persistence in inordinate sexual demands or malpractices by either spouse can be cruelty if it injures the other spouse," said Justice Sathasivam, who wrote the judgment for the Bench. 

When I started reading this, for some vague reason I believed that this must have been a plea by any harassed wife. I am sure most of you would have thought alike. But what came as a very rude shock to me was that this was a plea from an aggrieved husband. You are reading it right, an aggrieved husband. (Wife asks for excessive sex and husband is aggrieved… What world are we living in?)

Not just an ordinary husband, but a Sardar. Now, why do I sense that your disbelief just turned into a smile. I guess the zillions of Sardar jokes you read on internet, SMS and Khushwant Singh’s books makes you feel that only a Sardar could have accomplished this feat.

The subject of our surprise/shock is Mr Gurbax Singh, who sought divorce on the grounds of cruelty due to persistent demands of sex from his wife. (I guess he is not Tiger woods after all)

I am not aware of many men who would feel tortured due to excessive sexual demand. I am sure one thought would have crossed many pious minds “why not me?” The other content souls reading this, might be feeling proud of their personal capabilities. But dear Gurbax, apparently does not seem to think alike with any of the above. He equated this with cruelty. (There may be some lady somewhere who would tell us that this has got nothing to do with his abilities)

Cruelty is an undefined term under Section 13 of the Hindu Marriage Act, which provides grounds for divorce. The one seeking divorce has to prove with evidence that a particular conduct of the other partner had caused him/her cruelty. 

Singh failed to prove this cruel behaviour of his wife and Supreme Court refused to grant him divorce. 

I am not sure how does one prove excessive sexual demand. This is not one of those evidences which can be easily produced to the court. Probably Gurbax should have resorted to the now very famous ‘sting’ operation. But then, this evidence may not be permissible in the court of law.

Now we come to the most important question. How does the Supreme court decide “How much is too much?” What is excessive to one may not be excessive to another one…. 

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Harry Potter and the Silly-Con capital of India

About 60 years ago, the great freedom fighters of India had fought a ferocious battle to the extent of sacrificing their lives to free India from the British rule. When Jawaharlal Nehru delivered his speech on the Red Fort at the stroke of midnight on 15th August, 1947 he along with others had dreamt of building a country that would see its citizens independent and educated.

Today if Jawaharlal Nehru would be giving the same speech, he would be saying that he would dream of seeing Indian politicians educated. As today, our politicians are still propagating age old practices and blind beliefs. The recent incidents in Bangalore narrate a story of ignorance and blind faith among men in power who are misleading the state into a doom.

These incidents not only paint a wrong picture of Bangalore but put the developing country of India to shame. These obnoxious incidents are holding back Bangalore’s development and converting it from Silicon capital to Silly-con capital of India (name given by Indian express following this incident).
Incidents mentioned below are not scenes from a Masala Telugu Movie but real life incidents at the power house of Karnataka, the Vidhana Soudha.

We are in Vidhana Soudha now
Strewn on the lawns of Vidhana soudha were some bangles, a handful of vermilion and turmeric, a lemon pierced with four nails, an egg, a copper bowl, a so-called mantra-energized Yantra inscribed on a silver plaque, the head of a sacrificed poultry bird and a doll made of dough. A passerby spotted the black magic paraphernalia and raised an alarm. Clearly not the kind of drama he expected to see. Soon, a crowd gathered at the spot and started getting clicking pictures with their mobile phone. I guess many face book profiles would have a picture mentioning, “Me at the black magic spot at Vidhana soudha”. This news moved faster than light and spread in the City like a wildfire.

"It's a high security place… how could anyone do this when the police are there and that too without the knowledge of the government," said JD(S) leader M C Nanaiah.

As always, we are blind to the happenings
Policemen guarding Vidhana Soudha apparently were clueless on how the materials turned up in the high security zone. They cannot be blamed as somebody may have hoodwinked them into a temporary coma while performing their ritual. The DCP in charge of the area, Kumaraswamy, rushed to the spot and managed the situation by announcing that an inquiry had been ordered into the incident. That’s the end of the story as far as the police action goes on this.

None of the 74 high resolution CCTV cameras managed to capture this. Whoever did this must have done black magic on the cameras and rendered them with temporary blindness. Or they could have used the Harry Potter invisible cloak for this whole exercise. 

I am the best thing to happen to you
BJP leader Dhananjay Kumar blamed the opposition for this, "Power mongers have stooped to such a low that they are indulged in Vamachara (witchcraft) with the sole objective of grabbing power. This is shameful," he quivered in righteous anger.

He declared that his party had no belief in black magic and believed only in “the almighty”. This was well demonstrated by Yeddy, who is busy temple-hopping trying to ward off the evil spirits plaguing his government. An attempt was made to pin the blame on opposition parties. I am not sure how he and the BJP Government would explain the next set of actions ordered by them. Superstition played a major role in creating chaos in the state assembly on the day when Yeddy sought a trust vote.

Staff at the Vidhana Soudha believed that the so-called sorcery performed inside of Vidhana Soudha. They seemed to be surprised at the ignorance level of the leader of the state and the level anyone can stoop to hold on the CHAIR.

Close the Northern door and let Opposition come
through Eastern door. I will cast a losing spell on them.  
There was strict instruction that nobody should be allowed through the northern door of the assembly, as it was considered bad for the government. The unprecedented security at the northern door was a pointer to this. This is the door where traditionally opposition and other members enter. This is a very clear Harry Potter influence. Imagine the ruckus, few more books of Harry Potter would have created. UPA Government should consider banning HP books in India.

City Police Commissioner was personally manning this door when normally there is no security during previous sessions. If this is a part of his duty roaster, the increasing crime rates and bombs going off are not a surprise.

The sorcerer apparently had performed black magic at the eastern door to defeat the opposition and the ruling party wanted opposition members to enter the assembly through this door. They avoided entering the hall through this door and forced their way in through the blocked door. Commissioner who was at this gate tried stopping then and this led to a physical embroil between him and opposition leader Siddharamaiah. All this drama was on live TV. 

I am the most pious man in Karnataka today
When cornered by the media on this, City police commissioner Shankar M Bidari clarified that his men prevented entry through the northern door, as ordered by the speaker, KG Bopaiah. “When I found the opposition MLAs attempting to break open the door, I tried to dissuade them. The north door was opened only after the speaker’s permission to do. The allegations that I prevented MLAs’ entry through this door are false and baseless,” the commissioner had said. Commissioner seems to be depending on short term memory of the public, hoping that they have forgotten what they saw on live TV.
All said and done, Yeddy tided over the storm. My personal belief is Shobha Karandlaje’s fast to appease Goddess Chamundeshwari helped him more than the above set of activities.

But all these activities have tarnished the name of Karnataka and is set to stay like this for a long long time to come. National media laughed at this and so did the people from all over India.